Honesty at work: Is it ever a good idea?
We've all been tempted to tell clients/the boss/your colleagues what you really think....
On walks, I often have conversations I wish I’d had. With old managers, with former clients, with workmates, with people I’ve applied for jobs with and never heard back from.
I chunter - a Mr Holliday word - out loud, going over old ground as I stride, saying the things I might have said, being searingly honest, sometimes mean, sometimes over the top, saying what stayed silent at the time. Or what is still staying silent, right there and then.
I pretend what I’d say to people in roles gone by if they said ‘Be honest, what did you think about working here?’. In fact, I have had the chance to do so in an exit interview many times, and often I’ve held back, walking a tightrope of respect and honesty, of holding back a little because, well, where would honesty get me? If you’re leaving, what good does honesty do?
And if you’re staying, or starting somewhere new, is honesty the best policy?
A new book by a former colleague, Radhika Sanghani, called The girl who couldn’t lie, looks at the idea of not being able to lie. It’s for 9-12 year olds, but the concept has really stuck with me as I’ve watched Radhika speak about what inspired her and also how she has shifted her life to try and be honest all the time. And in particular, it’s had me thinking about what it’d be like if we couldn’t lie when it came to work and career stuff. You can follow her on Instagram at @radhikasanghani
‘No’ - the best honest answer?
Saying ‘no’ is the simplest and most direct way we can be honest when it comes to work. ‘No’ to a rate, to a job offer, to a request for ‘help’ or ‘advice’ to ‘bend our ear’ when we know really it’s to mine our well-earned experience that we should charge for.
Saying no to more workload, or when we’re asked if we can do a task we’re not sure is in line with our job description. Saying no when a client asks for more than is in the contract, more than has been agreed.
Saying ‘no’ to someone who says ‘could you just?!…’ or ‘Can I pick your brains?’
There is also saying no when we know it’s time to rest - saying no to that discovery call with a potential new client, or no to the overtime the company asks you to do.
We choose whether to be honest, in some work situations.
You may have seen the website Glassdoor, where people post anonymous reviews of places they’ve worked. Some good, but, as is the nature of such a site, often and mostly bad or negative. The honesty hiding behind the anonymity. Some can be searingly brutal - breaching the boundaries of honesty and moving into rude, some might argue.
Of course it’s easier to be honest online, or anonymously. And for some, the role may have been so damaging to their mental health or career that they want to say, well something but they don’t want to risk their reputation or the chance of a good reference by saying it straight to the person who employed them.
We all self-edit, of course, but if we can be more honest in the moment, when resigning, or in a one-on-one, might we never get to the place where we’re writing those negative nameless reviews?
There’s a fine line, because for me, being honest isn’t always about saying what you think. It’s not the same to offer advice or opinion when we’re not asked. We might have feelings we want to vent, but is venting them honesty? Or just rudeness, offloading when you could stay quiet. When someone says ‘to be honest…’ and they haven’t been asked a question, are they just giving their ‘tenpenneth’ when they should be staying quiet?
Being honest isn’t always welcomed - or asked for.
Many of those conversations I have with myself are with people who have ghosted me. People I’d love to be honest with, and give my opinion to, but haven’t been given the chance.
For example, I recently saw someone post about a role with a company I applied for a role with over a year ago. I’ve never heard back, despite following up both on email and LinkedIn. I’d love to be honest with them to say what I think. But am I in a position to do so? Perhaps if they approached me, now, about the role I could send back some honest thoughts.
Or if someone asked me about the company, in general, I could be honest and say they had ghosted me.
Being honest can be a way to thrive, too. For example, when I work with clients on their CVs, I encourage them to be very honest - not in a ‘say all the things that ever happened to you at work’ way, but in a ‘big yourself up’ way. Being honest means saying ‘I’m great at this!’ or ‘I won awards!’ rather than hiding away and not letting your light shine.
Being honest at work might mean putting yourseful forward for awards and roles because, if you’re honest, you ARE good enough, and you ARE worthy.
It might be setting a higher rate for your work when you get a client enquiry because, well, honestly, you know your services ARE worth what you’re asking.
We can be honest with ourselves when we’re job hunting, looking at roles and thinking that if we’re honest, they’re not well-paid enough, or won’t be challenging enough.
In a world where we can share what we like, being honest is a bit of a trend. People are honest on social media - I know I try my best to be - and they are honest about what they offer. If you’re honest in how you put yourself out there, it hopefully follows that people will like what you do and come to respect and trust you.
Finally there’s lying to ourselves. Being honest when it’s just us and our own thoughts.
I’ve written before about accepting when ‘It’s not them, it’s you’
Ultimately, it’s about what we want to get out of the situation. The goals we have and whether being honest gets us closer to them.
Is it better, sometimes, to keep our honesty to ourselves and let it out in those ‘chats’ only the dogs can listen to?
I asked Radhika for her thoughts on being honest at work. It goes hand in hand with being, brave, she said.
“For me being honest in my career has led to me feeling so much happier with my work. So many people think the workplace is the one area you can’t be honest but I disagree. By being honest I no longer work with people or on projects I wasn’t super aligned with and instead, I’m working on things I love. That’s why being honest is so brave - because it will lead to the things that aren’t for you being taken away but it will make space for the things that are for you!”
Do you have a story to share about being honest (or not!) at work or in your career? Share in the comments and also click the video below to come say hi on Instagram where I share daily content about careers, CVs and work/life.
